HEAL THE ROOT

 

Dress: Custom Melesia Robinson Shoes: Alexandre Birman Cake: @_kakesbyk

 It's waking up and choosing rich vibes for me!

Greetings Earthlings, 
Here's a post that has been sitting in my draft since last year, I'll be keeping most of the contexts as is. I'm so glad I didn't post this when I initially wrote it because I have learned so much since then. The bright side of this is two posts in one month.  

I celebrated my Thrity-six birthday a few days ago and It was magical. I've never had a birthday where I didn't celebrate and have blast. My mother set the tone for me, I recall my earliest birthday celebration at the age of 8. I recall my mom fussing with my dad on the phone for financial support for a Birthday party.  It was always a struggle with him, but it never stopped my mom from putting together the most incredible birthday parties. I made it my duty to never depend on anyone to have a good time on my birthday. I learned early that it's easy for someone to steal your joy. 

I'm inspired to share a few of my journal entries: are you ready?

Leggoo…

1/31/2021

When my world started crumbling my thought were I needed to find myself in church and become a full-time Christian, with the fear of not knowing and wanting answers, after everything that had happened and was happening around me. I wanted to feel and know that I was being protected mentally, physically and spiritually. I found something greater, I found spiritually and myself in the process. I recognized the value of having a relationship with myself, It is all the power and magic I needed. The more I fell in love with God, me in my highest form, the more powerful I will be and this is how I will protect myself. I trust that I am guided in the right direction as my footsteps are divinely guided. Anything that doesn't align with my future can't exist. I will shed without feeling guilty or feeling the need to apologize. I will walk the path written for me and not the path others want for me. My forcefield is protecting me from harmful energies visible and unseen.

10/7/2021

I shrink myself because I don't want to feel like I’m a burden to anyone. I started recognizing that I struggle with asking for help for the same reason. I was never comfortable asking my dad for things, growing up it almost felt like I was being forced too mostly around my birthday. I wish my parents knew the lifelong trauma associated with this act. As a child, I would comfortably ask my mom for whatever I needed, when she didn't have the feeling was different from when I would hear my dad saying he doesn't have it. My mom would suggest that I ask my dad if she didn't have it, but I hated the thought of asking him and the feelings associated with it. I hated it for many reasons but here I'll list two. One: he would always say he doesn't have it, it never matter when it was it was always a no. Two: It almost seemed like he wasn't even trying to be there for me, for us. I've forgiven him and myself for all of this, I've grown to learn that all he was doing had nothing to do with me and more to do with himself. I had way too many expectations as a child that he wasn't capable of and that was wrong of me. I also understood that as a child it was necessary. Now that I am an adult I recognize that everything that has happened was for a reason. 

Today, I realized where it all stemmed from. Growing up I would overhear my mom asking my dad for financial help and he would always say he didn't have it. There were times when he would send it but the memories I have are of the ones where he made it seem like helping my mom was a chore. I recall crying and telling my mom to never ask him for help for me. For this reason, I never gave anyone the opportunity to tell me no. I wanted to fend for myself! This played a major role in my decision to join the military, I wanted to create a life where I wouldn't have to depend on anyone. At the time, I failed to realize how this would affect me in other ways. 

It's very important that I shared these journal entries, when it comes to my birthday, sis is going to go all out celebrating and she's not asking anyone for permission. I don't allow anyone to disappoint me. This has worked for me in both good and bad ways. It was always hard for people in my life to plan something special. In the process of trying to protect myself, I created this self-centered monster that I had no clue existed. I'm glad no one was offended by my ignorance. 

Moving forward: 
The soul knows exactly what it needs. Trust your gut and your guides. For years I thought I was giving myself to all the wrong people, suffering many heartaches and wrongdoing. I then learned that those wrongs were lessons and preparation for what was ahead. When you've mastered the art of healing, loving through the pain without judgment, unconditionally and abundantly you'll reap many blessings. While the pain often feels like it's not one I could sustain, I stayed on the course I didn't change who I was because of a little pain, Although, it was hard I continued to be who I was sent here to be. A lover, a giver, a healer,.... etc

Views from Equinox Hotel New York City 

I never take for granted the people that are perfectly placed in my life. I believe each person has an incredible purpose. I've been truly blessed to awaken- finding my divine purpose and a complete understanding of the people in this lifetime. I've innerstand that all the people God gifted me are for a season and I was seasonal to those I parted ways with. 

Each birthday I get to celebrate the many milestones, the sheddings and the many rebirths. I enter each new season with ease and leave the creator in full control. This birthday was no different from the others, God always makes sure I have the financial gains to create the memories I desire and I and always grateful for that. I booked a Junior Suite at the Equinox Hotel in NYC, it was such a beautiful experience. I got sick right before my birthday so I didn't get to create my dress the way I initially envisioned it. Overall, it was truly one for the books. My eyes were opened to so much and for that I am grateful! 

I am and will always be Victorious! 

PS: I LOVE YOU!

Don't forget to get my book #SorryMelody on Amazon.

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