Hello again, friends! I know it’s been a minute, but by now you know I’m a quality-over-quantity kind of girl. I’d rather give you my best than serve up a half-baked post just to keep the page warm.
Today’s story has a surprise, a bouquet of flowers, and a lesson about who really shows up for us—and why discernment matters. It’s a little juicy, but the message is serious.
This post also opened the door to a few more pieces I’ll be working on after this one goes live, so I’m about to hit y’all with the good stuff back-to-back!
Here we go…
I’ve always been someone who shows up for the people I care about. I give my time, energy, encouragement, and support. I also give people a lot of grace sometimes more than I should.
For a long time, I didn’t expect much from anyone. When people didn’t show up for me the way I showed up for them, I made excuses. I kept giving people the benefit of the doubt, even when their actions were telling me something.
That fashion show season brought a lot of this into focus. I participated in three or four events while also designing the garments and managing everything that came with them. I shared the shows on my Instagram Story. Still, people I considered family and friends didn’t make an effort to come. Some even asked why I hadn’t invited them personally as if seeing it on my Story wasn’t enough. If I shared it, it wasn’t a secret. Expecting me to personally invite everyone while I was preparing for multiple events and creating the clothes felt absolutely ridiculous.
I tried not to take it personally. I had gotten used to accepting breadcrumbs while giving away all the ingredients to make the bread.
Gina showed up.
She drove from Maryland to New York to surprise me with flowers at my fashion show all while grieving the loss of a family member. I was so shocked that I blurted out, “If I knew you were coming, I would’ve told you not to.” I wasn’t rejecting her. I was genuinely stunned that someone had made that kind of effort while grieving the loss of a family member.
Afterward, I thought about what her gesture meant. She didn’t just tell me she supported me she showed up. She made the effort, even while carrying something heavy herself. I had spent so much time excusing people who never showed up for me that I hadn’t fully understood how powerful it feels when someone does.
Thank you, Gina, for showing me what real support looks like. You reminded me that I deserve the same care and energy I give to others. Being on the receiving end meant more than you know, and I’m grateful our paths crossed when they did.
Why discernment matters
Grace is beautiful, but grace without discernment can leave us repeatedly explaining away behavior that hurts us. Discernment helps us pay attention to patterns. It asks us to look at what people consistently do, not only what we hope they mean or what we tell ourselves they might be going through.
That doesn’t mean judging someone for one missed event or expecting everyone to show up in exactly the same way. People have real responsibilities, limitations, and hard seasons. Discernment means making room for those truths while also being honest about whether a relationship feels mutual over time.
It helps us understand where to place our energy. We can care about someone and still recognize that they may not be able or willing to show up for us in the way we need. We can have compassion without continuing to overextend ourselves. We can forgive someone without giving them unlimited access to our time and heart.
How I’m navigating it
I’m learning to pause before making excuses. Instead of immediately filling in the blanks for someone, I can let their actions speak. I’m learning to communicate what matters to me, notice whether the effort is reciprocal, and adjust how much I give when a relationship feels one-sided.
I’m also learning that removing myself doesn’t have to mean anger or revenge. Sometimes it means accepting what a relationship is, stepping back, and putting my energy where it’s valued. It means making room for people who celebrate me, support me, and show up with care.
I don’t want to become hardened or stop being generous. I want to give with an open heart and clear eyes. I can keep showing up for the people I love while remembering that I’m allowed to receive support, too.
Gina’s surprise helped me see that more clearly. I’m grateful for her, for the lesson, and for this season of learning to go where I’m celebrated.
The mission has never been clearer.
PS: I LOVE YOU!
Please check out my books #SorryMelody, and The Art Of Living, available on Amazon.
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